i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
