dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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