I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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