im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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