i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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