In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
