that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm getting married
To pizza
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
