it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
