I puked a lego.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
