so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
