He asked to "fluff my boner.."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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