The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
