the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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