Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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