you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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