'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
