oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
