i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
