I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize