A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
