There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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