so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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