You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
