the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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