She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
