It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
