Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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