yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
