Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
