i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
