it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think i have herpe
just one?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In America we eat man semen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
