Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
