I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
