I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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