We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
