i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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