does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
