I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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