all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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