I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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