His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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