I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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