12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
