Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
