someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
