I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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