Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
