I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
