i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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