Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize