Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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