is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
