The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
