Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
