To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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