i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
