now i know why i became what i already was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
