In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
