i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
