I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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