I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
